If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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