i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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