Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
