i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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