He disabled his match.com account in front of me
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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