Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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