Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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