dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
