Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
