He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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