i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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