make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
