Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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