pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize