my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
