Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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