I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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