Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
