Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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