i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
