I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Someone stole a lamp last night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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