Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
