it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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