He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
