Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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