I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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