If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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