This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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