Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
