At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
