I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize