A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
