literally had 100 drinks last night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize