shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
