My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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