Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
