shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize