we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
