i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize