how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
they're like a gay fantastic four
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize