Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
