Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
