Pappa wants mamma naked
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She bit a glass in half.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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