my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
