apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize