I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
