Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
