she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
