did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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