I have demons in me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
