Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
