I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize