You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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