i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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