Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize