need another drink. this is the easiest way
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
