just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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