I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
should my penis look like a turkey
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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