Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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