i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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