i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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