3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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