there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
