Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
