I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
