so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize