when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
